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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

“THIS JUST IN”

Announcer
“We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you the following breaking news.”

Reporter
“A spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security has informed this reporter that the threat level indicator has been raised to Orange, based on reports that four Amish men from Lancaster Pennsylvania are being sought as potential suicide bombers.” “It was reported that a particularly virulent sermon by one Elder Yost, expressing views determined as ‘anti English’, may have prompted the young men to take action against…”

Station News Anchor
“Uh, John?” “I think you have the wrong copy” “The report you are reading is marked Draft.” “I think you have a newer version of the announcement.”

Reporter
“Sorry Brian, you are right.” “Here we go”. “A spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security has informed this reporter that the threat level indicator has been raised to Orange, based on reports that four Boy Scouts from Troop 213 in Pleasant Hill Iowa are being sought as potential suicide bombers.” “It was reported that at a particularly virulent Court of Honor, the Scoutmaster mentioned the twelfth point of the Scout Law, that a Scout is ‘Reverent”. “As the Troop is sponsored by Charity Lutheran Church, it is feared that the Scouts are going to target any non Lutheran group…”

Station News Anchor
“John?” “I think you are referring to copy marked Revision 1.” “Please see if you have the newer copy.”

Reporter
“Right you are again Brian.” “I have the proper copy here”. “A spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security has informed this reporter that the threat level indicator has been raised to Orange, based on reports that four Grandmothers from the Scottish Rite Retirement Center in Duluth Minnesota are being sought as potential suicide bombers.” “It was reported that at a particularly virulent AARP meeting at the Center, a speaker denouncing the rise in the cost of blood pressure medication may have triggered a violent reaction by the suspects against drug industry targets, including…”

Station News Anchor
“Let me interrupt you, John.” “You apparently have Revision 2 at your location.” “Let me quote from the correct copy.” “A spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security has informed this reporter that the threat level indicator has been raised to Orange, based on reports that four young men, recent immigrants from Afghanistan, are being sought as potential suicide bombers.” “It was reported that after a particularly virulent anti American and anti Jewish sermon at Friday prayers at the Newark New Jersey mosque of …”

Announcer
“We interrupt this coverage of a breaking news event to bring you the following editorial from this stations management.”

Station News Director
“Good evening”. “In a news report yesterday, we carried a story from our Baltimore correspondent that stated the National Security Agency facilities at Fort Meade Maryland had announced that in a newly translated batch of electronic correspondence from certain foreign websites, it was determined by the Agency that ‘Islam’, previously identified as the Religion of Peace, actually translates as ‘Submission’. The NSA spokesperson further stated that, when placing this new meaning into context, identified the term as a call for submission of the entire world to the Islamic way of life.”

“This station aired the story without securing any input from additional resources. Since then, we have been assured by several other sources that Islam is indeed the Religion of Peace.” “We apologize for any misrepresentation of Muslims or the religion of Islam, and we deeply regret any confusion or distress this story may have caused to our Muslim viewers or the Islamic/American community.” “Thank you.”

Announcer
“We now return you to our interrupted coverage of a breaking news story, which had previously interrupted our regularly scheduled programming.”

Station News Anchor
“This just in.” “A spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security has informed this station that the threat level indicator has been raised to Orange, based on reports that four unidentified persons of indeterminate age and sex are being sought as potential suicide bombers.” “The four alleged suspects, of unknown national origin or citizenship, may have been encouraged by misunderstood statements uttered by a non denominational religious authority at an undisclosed location.” “The alleged suspects may be targeting an unidentified location for reasons yet to be determined.”

“This announcement is provided as a public service to our viewers, and to demonstrate our commitment to bringing you the latest news that may affect you, our audience.”

“We now return you to our regular programming, already in progress.”

Tom Glennon

BIO

Tom Glennon recently retired as a Manager with an international bank. A Chicago native, he retired at the location of his last assignment, in the Des Moines, Iowa area.

His 38 year career spanned numerous assignments with a major oil company, an international finance company, and lastly with a major banking company. Most of his working experience was with credit card operations and technology.

He is an award winning speaker for the Volunteer Oil Industry Communications Effort, an industry advocacy group, and writes essays and opinion pieces for a variety of on-line and print publications.

Tom has served on his County Republican Committee, as well as having served as the County Campaign Chair for Senator Charles Grassley (R-Iowa). His volunteer work has covered a variety of community based efforts, including youth athletic organizations, Junior Achievement, Youth at Risk, and the Boy Scouts.

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