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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

MILLIONS OF AMERICANS TORTURED!!!
Government Does Nothing

That bastion of virtue, Human Rights Watch, has again decided that they know best how to win the fight against Islamic terrorists. They have recently made headlines with press conferences claiming that Jihadist Abu Zubaydah was subjected to illegal interrogation techniques that amounted to torture. As near as I can tell, the torture techniques used consisted of playing music by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and confining a helpless Abu to an area that was deliberately kept chilly. Oh, the humanity!

In researching this story, and examining the evidence offered, I quickly came to realize that millions, perhaps tens of millions, of Americans have been subjected to torture, and continue to be victimized by these horrendous techniques even today. And yet, our government does nothing to end this inhuman treatment of our own citizens. And so, I am pleading with Human Rights Watch, perhaps with the assistance of the ACLU, to take a stand for America, and include these innocent victims in their investigation.

As the father of five now adult children, I too was a victim of this assault on human dignity. From the time my oldest daughter reached the age of twelve, until my youngest son left for college, I was subjected to an almost non-stop exposure to the most horrendous barrage of torturous behavior. From Twisted Sister and Kiss, through Whitesnake and AC/DC, all the way to Nine Inch Nails, I had to endure their propensity to play whatever current version of Rock and Roll was popular at the time. Having seven people in an average middle class house meant that there was no refuge from the noise pollution, except by going to work. Perhaps that is why I never complained about not missing a day of work for over ten years. Indeed, I often wrote off vacation days, spending that time at the office, rather than being home. For more than ten years, the assault on my freedom to listen to the music of my choosing was continual. Surely Human Rights Watch would agree that the denial of my right to listen to opera, while subjecting me to the blaring tones of Mettalica, was both unconstitutional and torturous.

My second exposure to the techniques of torture is more personal, and involves a sensitive subject. You see, my wife of 41 years is still going through the pangs of what is euphemistically called “change of life”. Additionally, before my retirement, a number of my co-workers were experiencing this same physical change. The impact on me both at home and work was dramatic, and uncomfortable to the point of physical pain. My comfort zone for temperature is between 75 and 80 degrees. However, my wife and co-workers felt a temperature of 55 to 60 degrees better suited them. At least, that is what it felt like. As any husband whose wife has gone through this trauma will attest, complaining or protesting this environmental assault is not only fruitless, but can be dangerous. Again, as with the music, I was given no choice and no vote in the critical decisions regarding thermostat settings. Constitutional rights were ignored in a number of areas. The loss of my voting rights, freedom of speech, and even the right to a non-hostile workplace were routinely trampled. And yet, the government failed to protect me; ignoring my plight, and millions like me.

I am formally requesting that all American fathers and husbands who have been subjected to this barbaric treatment be included in the ongoing investigation by Human Rights Watch. After all, should we not be protected from this treatment? All I am asking is that we be accorded the same rights as the Jihadists, terrorists, murderers, beheaders and bombers that Human Rights Watch, the ACLU, and similar organizations are so intent on protecting. And if this action proves successful, my next target for possible legal redress will be the media, for airing the Simpsons and Family Guy. Both cartoons are demeaning to husbands and fathers, and I find their depictions hurtful. In fact, I am so upset about these portrayals, I may cry. I think I need a Latte and a hug.

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